My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
