His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
