nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
