Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
