I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
