i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
