No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
