Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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