I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Do vagina's smell?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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