i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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