I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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