If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
