dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
