my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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