Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
