I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
