Don't you send me to vm
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
