we're chasing vodka with high fives
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
