how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
