Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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