you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How does it feel to date your dad?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize