that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
