Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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