every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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