i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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