I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
