theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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