My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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