he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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