I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
