I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
