Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
