Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
