If that was your dad, he is hot
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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