can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
