You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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