o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize