peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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