oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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