i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
