So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
