dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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