There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
