They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize