Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
