You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize