forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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