Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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