what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she told me i tasted like america
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
