im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
