Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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