pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
