I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
