apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
