ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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