fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
