No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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