okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
