I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can't turn off my feet"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
