this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
