it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
