Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
