true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
