Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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