I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
