I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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