you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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