Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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