im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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