Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
