Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
