She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
where are my eyebrows?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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