we're chasing vodka with high fives
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
