rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
